Unlocking A Door

Why now? Why a blog? Is it still trendy to have a blog? I could sit here and type out all the reasons why a blog is a bad idea for me. But there is something, or should I say someone whispering in my ear … “Mom, I need pants.”

Okay, that was a lame joke. The more you read my blogs, the more you will realize that I prefer to look at life from several different angles and choose the more flattering humorous, goofy, sunnier side … most of the time. Some days call for the rain clouds and thunder and I get that. We are allowed those days; we just shouldn’t stay there.

So back to this whisper in my ear, this idea that’s been rattling in my brain as I drive my 40-minute commute to work (one way) five days a week. It didn’t come from my kids or my family or husband, it came from God. He takes our desires into consideration, too, when he maps out our lives.And he knows that I have a strong desire to help people.

Wait, hold up. Am I  saying we have no control of our own future? I want to have a say in my life. I mean, it is MINE. And we do. We can have complete control of our lives but something will be missing. Something will always feel off or just not quite there. Ever finish something and know that you did a great job but still think something is not quite right? You nitpick. You find a smudge here or there. You debate a comma for 10 minutes (guilty!). That’s me. That’s everyone.

Well, I decided I wanted to fill that missing feeling with God’s word and to let it go. Truly, let all my insecurities go. LET IT GO. Sidenote: Anyone else feel like those three words together are forever ruined now thanks to “Frozen?” No more excuses, it was time.

I always knew God was working behind the scenes for me but I honestly thought he had bigger issues to deal with me (famine, disease, natural disasters— the BIG stuff) than my fear of putting myself out there. Boy, was I wrong. Every single worry of mine (and yours) is his, too. He knows the hardest and softest places on our hearts.

I was proud of my accomplishments but the painting still looked crooked to me. I’d start that blog or novel some day. Some day when I basically got all my shit in order. Then came marriage and the baby in the baby carriage (three times) and I kept telling myself some day. Some day, I’ll start writing for myself again. I’d share my life experiences as a military wife with several stateside and one overseas deployment. I’d open up about the challenges of raising a child delayed developmentally and handling the limbo of not knowing exactly what’s going on.

In the past few weeks, that whisper in my ear has turned into a tap on my shoulder. The idea of a blog slipped out of my mind palace (Sherlock fans, anyone?) and danced its way front and center. Any free time I have I find myself brainstorming topics to write about — morning, bed time, commute to and from work, grocery shopping at Price Chopper. Blog, blog, bloggity blog … blog.

I’ve read that if it’s from God, you hear or see it three times because he doesn’t give up on us and well, we are his kids. And kids don’t always listen the first time … or ever. SO, I’m listening God. You can turn the marquee off Big Guy.  This is my first blog and I’m nervous. I’m not a nurse, I’m not crafty.  I genuinely like helping people. I was nicknamed Mom in college if that paints a better picture for you.

I’m just a military wife with three kids. I’m just a daughter of a kind soul who happens to have a inoperable brain tumor. I’m a Midwestern gal who loves the smell of coffee but won’t drink it and thinks blackberries should be used for homemade jelly only. Pies, smies.

I’m not expert at anything. I do my makeup in the car in less than five minutes. Why? Because no one will bother me. I hope a mom reading this is saying “preach” in her head after that statement.

But maybe that’s why God is calling me to start this. He doesn’t choose the qualified. Look at the disciples! They were all kinds of shady (murderer, adulterer,etc.) and still they were chosen to share Jesus’s story and the word of God.

I don’t where this will lead. Maybe it’ll tank and no one will read any of it. Or maybe someone, just one, will read it and say “same,” or “girl, I feel you” or “this chic is nuts.” I’ll take any of that because if I can make you think, smile or laugh just a little bit with each blog then I feel like I’ve done what God is calling me to do — to remind people that they are not alone. To remind people if they just opened up their hearts to God just a little bit more, their cup will overflow. (Psalm 23:5)

So here we go … the door is open. A new chapter is starting. Let’s do this.


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